out of sight, out of mind?

you know,

usually,

i would rather be the one that gets hurt

instead of the one that causes the hurt.

cause if i'm the one that causes the hurt,

i feel bad for being the source of their pain.

and i would willingly trade spots.

but right now, i'm sitting in the position of the "hurt-ee."

or at least the "confused one",

if nothing else.

& i really wish that i could be the "hurter."

or at least the "indifferent one."

cause then i wouldn't have to worry about anything.

why did...even though...?

can you please answer me that?

cause this bites as much as i thought it would.

a conversation with myself:

ash1: ashlee, if you could go back in time and do things differently, would you?

ash2: ...

...

...no.

ash1: well then, there's your answer. chin up, girl. live up to what you said you would do.

ash2: but, ash, it's not that easy.

ash1: do what nikki said then. get the closure you need. it'll give you a peace of mind.

ash2: *sigh* i suppose.

ash1: it's okay, ash. smile. :) you'll look back on this in a little bit & everything'll be okay. just like before. :)

ash2: in time.