dear ash,

don't hold onto the past.

look forward to the amazing future that I have put in front of you.

the past isn't going to change.

change how you handle the present and the future.

be wise.

i'll always be here for you.

don't hesitate if you need to talk.

love,

God.

(Daddy)

conversation with mom.

"ashlee, i think you put out a lot in your relationships & you get really hurt when it's not reciprocated. i'm not asking you to change that about you. God made you that way & it's a good thing, but you're going to have to learn to deal with it."

=/

i guess you're right, mom.

epiphany.

when you let go of your plans,

He has something so much greater in store for you.

trust me, it's worth it.

imparted wisdom.

walk w/ dad tonight after liongco family left.

something he said:

"prosperity is harder to handle than poverty.

when you're prosperous, it's easy to feel that you don't need God."

funny how having more can be having less.

never thought of that.

worship.

good morning, Daddy.

thank you for another day of life. thank you that i was able to wake up this morning and go to chemistry, review a few concepts that i've learned in the past, and learn some new ones. thank you for the privilege of a Christian education.

thank you that every tuesday, i can come back to my dorm room, eat breakfast, and not be in a rush. no one else is here. it's just You and me. thank you for this quality time that i have with you.

Father, thank you for my family back at home. thank you that the end of this summer has drawn me closer to them. i haven't felt like this in a long time, if ever. thank you that i'm only 30 min away from them and that we can continue working on our relationships. thank you so much for my family.

Daddy, thank you for my friends. thank you for bringing me a roommate that is empathetic to my situation. thank you for my best friends & the amazing memories that i made with them this summer. please be with them, whether they're up in PUC, away at andrews, or down here locally. take care of them, bless them in their studies, and watch over them. bring them people that will be good influences and that will draw them closer to You. bless their future, Father. i know that you have great plans for all of them. & please remind them of how much i love them & that i hold them in my heart. they are Your gifts to me.

Daddy, please bless this day. be with me in all that i do. as i study, as i learn, as i eat, as i walk, as i talk. be my ALL in all. guide me & direct me. may Your thoughts be my thoughts. Your love be my love. Your patience be my patience. may we be one as YOU are one.

thank you, Daddy.

i love You.

amen.

*ps. please remind me to wait on You.

thanks. amen.

not me.

today i walked from sierra towers to angwin hall by myself.

the whole time, i wished that i was walking with you.

i thought i was done with this,

but i ached for you today.

on my walk, i prayed that God would send you a good girl

if He hasn't already.

that she would be good to you & appreciate you.

that she would care for you.

& that you'd be happy.

"tell the lucky girl that she's got a keeper."

"yeah & the guy that gets you is a lucky _______."

i missed you today. =/

train of thought.

_sacrifice. i don't think i've ever fully understood or fully appreciated what that means.

_quality time is so crucial in maintaining relationships. i'm glad i got some w/ you tonight, mom. i love your stories.

_i'm sorry, but i don't feel like it. it took so much energy to not care, & i don't wanna go back.

_am i living like it's the past? how will i react when i find out that you _________. will i accept it? will i be happy? sad? or indifferent? i have no idea. & i'm scared to find out. because i just realized that when ________, things'll have to change. but you don't realize how extremely happy i am with right now. i don't want anything to rock the boat.

_oh well. W/E. i guess that's the way things are right now. i tried, but you're not reciprocating. so w/e.

_i hope things can be like before. i hope that _____ hasn't affected anything.

_idk which side to take. ik it seems like i've already taken one, but i don't want to ruin our friendship either.

note to self:

*amslltsslsmdjkqsnamardum.

=/